by Perry Meltzer, Psy.D.
In many Asian languages the word for “mind” and the
word for “heart” is the same word. So when you hear the word “mindfulness,” you
have to hear the word “heartfulness” simultaneously to understand or feel what
mindfulness really is. That is why mindfulness is sometimes described as an
affectionate attention and why I encourage you to practice with a very light
touch, bringing an attitude of gentleness and compassion to yourself at every
turn.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn, “Mindfulness for
Beginners”
Mindfulness can initially sound like a pretty
nebulous concept. Because of its seemingly abstract nature, when learning the
skill, its helpful to initially focus on the more practical aspects of
mindfulness. At the same time, its important to maintain a connection to the
essence of what mindfulness is all about.
What is mindfulness all about? Mindfulness has been
described, simply, as focused awareness of the present moment. From a DBT
perspective, the goal is to use this awareness of the present moment to get
ourselves into Wise mind. By hitting the pause button and noticing the moment we
are in we can acknowledge our emotions, identify our current state of mind, and
take note of what is driving our actions. This process is referred to as taking
hold of the mind, as we gain control over our mind by choosing where to focus
our attention. Ultimately, this provides the opportunity to synthesize our
Reasonable and Emotional Mind so we can take the wheel and drive our own actions
with our Wise Mind.
As skills trainers, after facilitating an
understanding of taking hold of the mind with the States of Mind, we teach the
steps for what to do and how to do it with the What Skills and the
How Skills. The emphasis here is on the doing. Facilitating trainee
mastery of a skill requires this initial focus. As the skill of Mindfulness is
cultivated, a broader concept of Mindfulness can be incorporated with the notion
of heartfulness. Heartfulness, a beautiful embodiment of the spirit of
mindfulness, encapsulates the affectionate and compassionate presence that comes
with being mindful and being human. The How Skill of doing things
Non-Judgmentally is the closest representation of heartfulness in the DBT skills
manual. By engaging in judgmental thinking, we are fighting against reality by
imposing our will on how we think things should be. When we fight against
what is, we end up raising our emotions and we keep ourselves in a more
emotional place. By removing judgment and focusing on the facts, it helps us
accept reality and access our Wise Mind. Heartfulness takes non-judgment a step
further. It goes beyond simply removing judgment and encourages we approach the
world with a shared sense of humanity and kindness to ourselves. While subtle, I
would liken this to the difference between noticing the moment and accepting the
moment. Heartfulness is very much a way of being where the goal
is not only getting into wise mind. The goal is being your wise
mind.
As Jon Kabat-Zinn encourages, it would be helpful if
we all approached our mindfulness practice with heartfulness. In the Distress
Tolerance module, we learn to be kind to ourselves in moments of intense emotion
by self-soothing. Heartfulness allows us to be gentle and compassionate to
ourselves and those around us in every moment. Whatever the moment brings. If we
approach our emotions, behaviors, and thoughts with heartfulness, we allow
ourselves to gracefully accept all that enters our experience without judgment
or acting on impulse. And in the moments that we do judge and act impulsively,
which we all do, we once again access our heartfulness. We kindly accept
ourselves for being human. And we continue to work on nurturing a focused
awareness of what it is to be human and what it is to be wise. In this
moment...and this moment...and the next.
